She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
