it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
