How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
