The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Randomize
