i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Randomize
