My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
