Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
