I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
