Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
