I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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