I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
this will be a night to untag.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
