Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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