i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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