True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
