Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Randomize
