They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
