is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
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