Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
