I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
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