I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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