I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
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