It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
