It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
