careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
