8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
