So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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