when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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