My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I didn't notice because vodka
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize