does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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