Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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