Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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