ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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