I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
