you will always have a special place in my vag
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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