it hurts more in the daytime
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
