Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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