Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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