So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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