I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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