Princesses don't give blow jobs
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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