I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
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