Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
