I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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