I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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