I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
