he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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