nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
