I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
