Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
