I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
