Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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