if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
