I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Randomize
